September of 1998 I was aboard the USS Kitty Hawk. We had just moved everything from the USS Independence onto the shitty kitty in Pearl Harbor. In transit back to Yokohama Japan, I got nicknamed "kneeknocker." Not because of my massive penis, but because I tripped.
On the new ship, we still had watertight hatches but they had installed normal looking doorways on the inside of some of those hatches. I got sent to pick up parts from AIMD and they had one of those doorways. Jake Larsen or "Gabby" and I went down and grabbed some radar parts...I grabbed a synchronizer and headed out the door back to the shop. I forgot about the hatchway (kneeknocker) and tried walking through the door without stepping over the kneeknocker.....face planted onto the synchronizer. It nearly knocked me out and Jake kept asking if I was alright. Some prick from AIMD was laughing about it and I wanted to throw that 60 lbs. synchronizer through his face.
I knocked out a few teeth and had a hell of a knot on my jaw and a big swollen lip. For several months people called me "kneeknocker" because I made a stupid mistake. Now it's funny, but I didn't see the humor in it for years.
10/29/16
10/22/16
The Ability to Care
For the record, I don't have evil thoughts toward hardly anyone. Mostly just those who intend harm for others or intentionally want to ruin lives.
I enjoy teaching people things that can make their lives better. It's fun to watch people benefit from it. Several friends are much better off because I took the time and effort to share some knowledge.
The last 5 years, I've understood why some become "sick and tired of being sick and tired!" That's how I feel. When everything goes to shit, no matter how hard you try, it becomes pointless. It didn't matter how much I tried, I couldn't save my Dad. Mom is also in a terrible predicament, she hates life and would rather it ended. She doesn't want to be in pain anymore and I completely understand. I won't help her end her life.
I have become uncaring about losing relationships that matter, being responsible or whether my decisions affected those around me. I've become careless because it doesn't matter anymore. I can't fix everything. I have lost the ability to care.
I enjoy teaching people things that can make their lives better. It's fun to watch people benefit from it. Several friends are much better off because I took the time and effort to share some knowledge.
The last 5 years, I've understood why some become "sick and tired of being sick and tired!" That's how I feel. When everything goes to shit, no matter how hard you try, it becomes pointless. It didn't matter how much I tried, I couldn't save my Dad. Mom is also in a terrible predicament, she hates life and would rather it ended. She doesn't want to be in pain anymore and I completely understand. I won't help her end her life.
I have become uncaring about losing relationships that matter, being responsible or whether my decisions affected those around me. I've become careless because it doesn't matter anymore. I can't fix everything. I have lost the ability to care.
10/18/16
Really? Really!
Right out of boot camp(1996) I went to Naval Air Technical Training Center, NATTC in Pensacola FL. We prepared for a visit from the Chief of Naval Operations, CNO, highest ranking official in the Navy.
We scrubbed our barracks top to bottom like he was going to inspect our rooms or something. Everything was in ship shape. His entourage arrived and had us ready and in formation for his arrival. I was a barracks section leader and required to greet him. All my training had me prepared...I was set to make a good impression. Admiral Johnson arrived and he casually reached into his pocket of his trousers. After a few seconds, I said, "We keep our hands out of our pockets shipmate." Pissed him off immediately! His eyebrows dropped and he stormed through the doors of the barracks and went straight through never even glancing at our barracks. He never said a word.
I got chewed out for about an hour, but I was right because I was told to correct anyone not following the rules. "You don't call the CNO shipmate when you've never even been aboard a ship and you damn sure don't correct him!" Sorry, that's how you trained me.
I pissed off the highest in command in the Navy and basically, I got away with it. Admiral Jay L. Johnson...mad at me for a minute but I'll never forget his face the only time I ever spoke to him. At the time I didn't think it was ballsy....but I'm proud that I did it now.
We scrubbed our barracks top to bottom like he was going to inspect our rooms or something. Everything was in ship shape. His entourage arrived and had us ready and in formation for his arrival. I was a barracks section leader and required to greet him. All my training had me prepared...I was set to make a good impression. Admiral Johnson arrived and he casually reached into his pocket of his trousers. After a few seconds, I said, "We keep our hands out of our pockets shipmate." Pissed him off immediately! His eyebrows dropped and he stormed through the doors of the barracks and went straight through never even glancing at our barracks. He never said a word.
I got chewed out for about an hour, but I was right because I was told to correct anyone not following the rules. "You don't call the CNO shipmate when you've never even been aboard a ship and you damn sure don't correct him!" Sorry, that's how you trained me.
I pissed off the highest in command in the Navy and basically, I got away with it. Admiral Jay L. Johnson...mad at me for a minute but I'll never forget his face the only time I ever spoke to him. At the time I didn't think it was ballsy....but I'm proud that I did it now.
10/16/16
The Not-So Beautiful Broken Brain
Dec 2, 2014 I found Mom in the floor of her barn. I thought she had only fallen down but she was having a stroke. The next morning she was having brain surgery. She recovered pretty quickly and was nearly back to normal in a couple of months. She was back to driving and doing her thing for several months.
July 12, 2015 She woke Becky in the middle of the night because she knew she was having another stroke. Brain surgery again the following morning and the bleed was almost in the same spot in her brain. This time, it affected her much more.
October of 2016 and Mom still has trouble standing. Her left arm is flaccid. She can't read books anymore. She gets confused easily. She doesn't want to admit it but she has dementia. She is a fall risk at all times. Her voice is now soft and sometimes she can't speak clearly. She believes her dreams are real. She's bitter, depressed and unhappy that she hasn't recovered. She imagines sounds that aren't there and sees things that are only in her head. She's constantly saying that she hears water running. If there are parsley flakes in her food, she's convinced that they are bugs. Her sense of time is way off. She shows improvement when she puts in the effort but then will get angry for a few days and won't do the work she needs to improve...so she regresses quickly. She's her own worst enemy.
Caring for her is a constant battle. She has no patience and believes that we are keeping her mail and affairs from her. The VA declared her incompetent so Becky was appointed her fiduciary to handle her money affairs. She believes that Becky and I are trying to get her money. She wants me to go to the bank and get her cash so she can keep an eye on it. She'll hide it and then can't remember where she put it...so she thinks someone stole it. I won't get her cash anymore. She decided she needs her debit card so she can order Christmas gifts (using her cell) that she sees on television
She gets on her phone and calls people accusing us of abusing her and basically robbing her. I keep trying to get it through to her that she's home where she's loved and we're trying to keep her best interests covered. She's going to get a rude awakening when she has to be at a home where they do take all of her money. Her personal belongings will be swiped all the time and the people caring for her won't really care if she's happy or comfortable. They surely won't try as hard to make her improve.
I've fought the good fight for about as long as I can handle.
July 12, 2015 She woke Becky in the middle of the night because she knew she was having another stroke. Brain surgery again the following morning and the bleed was almost in the same spot in her brain. This time, it affected her much more.
October of 2016 and Mom still has trouble standing. Her left arm is flaccid. She can't read books anymore. She gets confused easily. She doesn't want to admit it but she has dementia. She is a fall risk at all times. Her voice is now soft and sometimes she can't speak clearly. She believes her dreams are real. She's bitter, depressed and unhappy that she hasn't recovered. She imagines sounds that aren't there and sees things that are only in her head. She's constantly saying that she hears water running. If there are parsley flakes in her food, she's convinced that they are bugs. Her sense of time is way off. She shows improvement when she puts in the effort but then will get angry for a few days and won't do the work she needs to improve...so she regresses quickly. She's her own worst enemy.
Caring for her is a constant battle. She has no patience and believes that we are keeping her mail and affairs from her. The VA declared her incompetent so Becky was appointed her fiduciary to handle her money affairs. She believes that Becky and I are trying to get her money. She wants me to go to the bank and get her cash so she can keep an eye on it. She'll hide it and then can't remember where she put it...so she thinks someone stole it. I won't get her cash anymore. She decided she needs her debit card so she can order Christmas gifts (using her cell) that she sees on television
She gets on her phone and calls people accusing us of abusing her and basically robbing her. I keep trying to get it through to her that she's home where she's loved and we're trying to keep her best interests covered. She's going to get a rude awakening when she has to be at a home where they do take all of her money. Her personal belongings will be swiped all the time and the people caring for her won't really care if she's happy or comfortable. They surely won't try as hard to make her improve.
I've fought the good fight for about as long as I can handle.
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