Christmas....yay!

I dread Christmas now. Two years ago, Dad was critical in the hospital. Last year, I was having a terrible recovery but at least I wasn't in the hospital. This year, Mom had a stroke and now has a blood clot throughout her leg. I hope this isn't a trend.

I haven't prepared by purchasing any gifts. I planned to craft them at home but this month has been hell. Every waking moment of my time has been used up. Remodeling Mom's room for handicap accessibility has been just another time consumer too. Yesterday, I worked on it from 7am to 11:30 pm. I feel like life is being sucked out of me like a vampire attacking a blood bank. So this year, I'm sorry for not being prepared....I'll make up for it as soon as life returns to normal.

My Friend is Better Than Your Friend.....

Rob Johnson IS the best friend ever! Ever!...EVAARRR!! When I'm really down, he makes me laugh. If I'm too excited about something, he brings me back to reality. When things are going south...that guy SHOWS you how to stay positive! He demonstrates the way a person should be. That's one of the many reasons I admire him. We're more like brothers than friends. He's one of the best people I've ever met!

38 years we've lived through together. Hard times and good times, we've remained friends throughout. We've both married and divorced, had children, had different life experiences...but if we live and learn, we share with one another, sharing the joys and pains of life. When something hurts him, it affects me too.

Hell, I nearly killed myself at his brand new lake house. Sleepwalking, I stepped off the second floor and splattered myself on his brand new wood floor. He feels guilty and he didn't do a damn thing wrong! I did it to myself, not on purpose, but I did it! He's saved my ass financially several times but he's not rquired....He's done it because he's my best friend, not out of obligation. He's just a wonderful friend!

Nothing fruity, I just can't say enough good things about my best friend, ROB! Thanks buddy for keeping me in line! I love ya Bro!

My Influence

I made a website for my Dad while he was still around to laugh about it and contribute. He put up with me and enjoyed my company, we were pretty close. I didn't realize that he saw the similarities of me and Mom. Maybe that's why he liked being around me so much, I don't know. I know he loved her and wanted her to always be happy. He told me more than once that I better take care of Mom when he was gone. He died and I've been a miserable failure about my obligation. I'm trying to remedy that.

Mom and I are so alike that we can't get along with each other normally. Headstrong, short tempered, ruthless and willing to scrap at a moments notice...but kind-hearted when the need arises. Somehow I inherited her spirit and that's probably why we don't usually agree. We both think that we're always right!

So let me tell you a little more about Mom. She had many wonderful siblings and she is the last remaining survivor. She's lost them all. She grew up tough and she grew up smart. I've heard stories of her youth that helped to mold her into a 'tough as nails' woman. She can seem as rough as a dirt road but she's actually a big softy at heart. I can't hardly stand to see her cry but her emotions take over sometimes....and it freaks me out. She's almost always on guard and not tolerant of anyone who doesn't do as they say.

My cousins used to ask Becky and I how we could live with such a mean mother. She didn't tolerate bad behavior. She would rip off a belt and whip our asses in a second or smack us in the mouth with a sandal for mouthing off. You just didn't act like an idiot around our mother! She'd straighten your ass out in a minute!!

When I was about 17, I went to a coffee shop to meet up with Mom when some woman decided give her a problem. She was talking about whipping Mom's ass when Mom told her..."That'll never happen!" They argued for minute and Mom said, "Let's step outside." So that big ole gal followed her out the door and as soon as Mom stepped through the outside door, she turned turned and knocked the crap out of her. Then, she dragged her out to the curb (by the hair) and went to wailing on her! She beat the shit out of her. Mom is tough and don't ever doubt it.

She's 75 and she has mellowed, but don't cross her...because she's still ruthless. She carries a gun and she might not whoop your ass, but she's serious. Don't fuck with Joanne!

Fakes Piss Me Off!

Today, I arrived at the nursing home with my head hung low and apprehension of what I would see today. By 8:30, the day shift had arrived and were busy doing everything that night shift hadn't done.

Mom's roomie, Ms. Davis was feeling sick and had called for help. She was in misery needing a bed pan, so I went around searching for someone to help her. I found the nurse and explained that she was crying and needed help. "I'll be there in just a minute!" Awesome, so Mom was sleeping and I decided to drive around the corner to get a couple things for her. I got back about 45 minutes later to find Ms. Davis still freaking out because they had not done anything for her. I was immediately angry! I headed up the hallway speaking loudly about what a shitty place this nursing home was...when Angela (director of social services) greeted me with Good Morning! "Good morning to you too." I replied. I kept walking on and went outside to calm down and have a smoke...grumbling

On the way back in, Angela greets me again...Good morning! So I continued past her muttering "Mornin" again. I got to the room and Ms. Davis was being helped so I waited outside. While I was standing there, I heard that 6 people nearby had diarrhea. Yay for someone in the kitchen not cleaning their hands! Angela strolls by again cheerfully saying Good Morning to me again. At that point, I figured it was just being fake.

Everything settles down, back in the room and Mom is awake too. She proceeds to tell me what a nightmare it is to deal with night shift there. The pad to move her has been replaced by a sheet and it's in knots. I moved it a bunch and got the wrinkles from under her but wasn't able to reposition it to help move her around the bed. I went to see if I could get some assistance where Angela again greeted me with a big Good Morning! "It would be a good morning, if I could get some help moving my mother!" 5 seconds later, there were 2 people there to help. Angela didn't even have to say anything, they just magically appeared. So we got Mom situated and everything seemed to calm down.

So at this point, I'm tired of hearing Good Morning when Angela comes into the room to greet us all once again. Ms. Davis just wanted to be left alone and she said so. Mom was awake so she wanted to gripe! Angela made a decent attempt at smoothing over all the bullshit that had already happened...long before this morning. Then she noticed Mom's linens had been on the floor and raved about how that was unacceptable. Grabbed them up and took them out of the room...never to be seen again. Cleanliness is great! She didn't bother to take a dirty hand towel that had been on the dresser for 4 days. She didn't listen to anyone, she raised her voice and spoke over Mom and I.

Fake fucker acting like she cares...I just wanted to knock her ass out. It's OK to leave a woman to shit all over herself but it's unacceptable to see linens touch the floor....Get real!

Park Manor Experience

Park Manor labels themselves as a "Skilled Nursing and Rehabilitation Center." They do have some good employees but they are severely understaffed.

Our experience has been pretty bad. Mom arrived on Saturday and still hasn't had a bath. (It's Thursday!) Somehow they "lost" two meals in one day so she got whatever they had left in their kitchen rather than what I filled out on their menu. I also fill out the menu for her roommate and turn them in at the same time, she hasn't had a problem. Certainly, mistakes are made, but it seems intentional twice in one day.

They get her out of bed and into the wheelchair in the mornings and leave her sitting across the room from her call button. Tuesday, they left her for hours sitting crooked in the wheelchair when she had no visitor. They promptly got her back to bed as soon as I showed up.

Medications are also a big problem. Her medication list shows that she should be getting pain and sleep aids. She hasn't received them much but their records indicate that they are giving them to her. I don't know who's stealing them but that's bullshit! She had a terrible headache the other night and asked for pain meds around 6 pm...she finally got it after 9:30. That's the only time I've seen her get any pain medication.

She's been ignored by staff many times while I was there to see it. "I'll be right back..." and then they don't come back for hours. She's been left on a bed pan for hours too. If Becky and I didn't show up, she would be full of bedsores because they rarely turn her too. We do it. The list goes on and on and we're keeping a bedside journal to document what's happening.

I think we just need her home. I'll care for her the best I can. I wish I knew more about how to help with rehabilitation so her life can get back to normal. In the meantime, I'll do everything possible to make her comfortable and ensure she isn't mistreated.

Incompetence

Monday about 11 am Mom went down to her garage to do some things and didn't come back for a while. About 1 pm I went over there to see if she would mind if I stored a vanity over there. When I got there, she was on the floor and had been there for about an hour trying to get up.  So I got her stood up and she couldn't hardly keep her balance. She got to her car and said she was heading home. She was exhausted from trying to get herself up.

Once home, she fell again in her room and she hollered for Becky to help her. Becky got her up and to the couch where she laid down to rest. Sitting up, she fell off the couch when Becky called me for help. We got her up again and her left leg wasn't moving for her so we decided to take her to the hospital, she wouldn't take an ambulance. Wrestling her into the car was quite a job.

We got to St. Luke's emergency room at 5:35, I signed Mom in and we were told to wait. The triage nurse saw her in about 30 minutes and Mom wasn't showing signs of stroke...yet she had symptoms. We waited there until 10:30 pm before Mom decided it was time to throw a fit about it. She got mad and complained and they shuffled her right into the E.R. After X-rays, they saw that yes, she had bleeding on her brain. We got everything ready for an MRI and were sent home around 2 am.

Tuesday morning we got there and they were prepping her for brain surgery. They said she was heading to the operating room and we could see the doctor at the O.R. waiting room. The doctor who performed the operation was told that no family was there. So they finished the operation and moved her to ICU. Around 5:30, I buzzed and asked about Mom and she wasn't even at the O.R. anymore! No communication whatsoever!! We got to her room in ICU, she's on a ventilator, the nurse gave us all good news but we won't know anything again until morning.

This morning, Becky finally got to talk to the doctor. Doc paints a lot bleaker picture than the nurses have been saying. IF she regains use of her arm and leg it's going to take a long time!

If we had recognized the stroke immediately on Monday, she probably wouldn't be in this predicament. If they had taken immediate action at the hospital, she might still be walking now. I'm mad as hell and think that a lawsuit is actually needed this time. I don't like people who try to profit from a person doing their job....but this has been ridiculous and completely preventable.

Reality Sets In...

The nurses try to keep the outlook positive, Doctors point out reality. After speaking to the doctor, Becky got the real update.

Mom's episode was likely caused by a stroke. Possibly because she hasn't taken her blood pressure medicine correctly. She may never gain use of her left leg again. They are still concerned about her left arm too. IF she gets better, it's going to take a long time with rehabilitation.

Not what I was hoping to hear.

Hospital Again

Here's what we know so far... Yesterday Mom fell down at her garage. I went over there and happened to find her sprawled on the floor. She had laid there for an hour before I showed up. I got her up and she waddled out to the car exhausted from trying to get up. After she got home, she fell two more times before we got her to the hospital. She didn't want to pay for an ambulance ride so Becky and I wrestled her into the car.

We got to the hospital (St. Lukes) at 5:30 and she told them her leg wasn't working. She was showing signs of stroke because her left arm and leg weren't moving right. So we waited...and waited and waited in the waiting room for 5 hours before Mom threw a fit and they got her back to see a doctor. After X-rays, they said she had no broken bones but she did have a mass on her right side of her brain. We don't know yet if it's from bleeding or an object, but something is there. They scheduled an MRI and told us we would know more in the morning. They couldn't get her into a room because the hospital is full again. So she's at the ER and there isn't a number for everyone to call.

That's where we're at and we can't answer 40 questions from everyone because THAT's all we know so far. I'm headed down there and they don't allow phones in the ER. Be patient and I'll update when I can.

**UPDATE 1**
Around 12:30 she went into the OR...she has a blood clot on her brain that they are removing. She elected to go ahead and have it removed so she wouldn't have a such a long recovery. The operation will take a few hours.

I Was Just Thinking...

In August of last year, I broke my left wrist, elbow, arm, leg and hip...sleepwalking. The leg was the worst since I had snapped the ball off the top of my femur. They installed a couple of screws in the bone in an attempt to save the femur. I have a plate in my elbow too that prevents me from straightening my left arm. They were concerned that my femur could "die" but I thought I would be back to normal by Christmas. Wrong again TJ!

I didn't have insurance so I couldn't afford followup X-rays, rehab or doctor visits. I survived with only 40 pain killers for more than a year. Since I was sent home, I've been on my own to deal with it.

I rode a bicycle to strengthen the leg. It didn't seem to help. I still do squats daily too but my leg is getting weaker. I already had nearly no ass, now it's just gone. They told me that I would need hip replacement if my femur died and I'm afraid it may have done it. I don't have the money to go in for X-rays to find out either. I'm seriously tired of hurting all the time. Feeling pretty useless and ready to quit breathing up your oxygen. I can't work, can't get any help....I'm just at the end of this rope.

I'm not suicidal...so no need to pick me up. I'm just feeling defeated right now. I guess I just need to vent because I don't have anyone to talk to most of the time. I'll tough it out. Don't worry about me!

Containment

Stupidity is going to be our downfall. "Containing" a possible disease outbreak has got to be taken more seriously. At this time, there is no reason to panic about ebolavirus. Admittedly, I was angry when I heard that they brought an infected doctor to Atlanta. The key to that success was, they kept it contained. Everything was fine, no outbreak.

Another infected person comes to Dallas on a commercial airline and 4 days later goes to a hospital with symptoms. He notifies them that he just came from Liberia, he's given antibiotics and sent home. 4 more days later, they finally got around to testing and confirming that he is carrying ebola. 80 people now under observation, including his family and school kids.

Authorities "quarantine" his family, but don't enforce it. Family members break the quarantine so authorities place armed guards to prevent further possible spread. That's where we are now but I'll bet we end up with more cases. Now is the time to get serious about containment! It's got to stop or we'll have another plague on our hands. Hysteria and panic won't help, calm and smart moves are what are needed.

Origins

Mom is a much kinder and gentler person in her old age but she can still be fierce. Understanding her upbringing sheds more light on how she became the person that she is...She grew up tough as nails because she's had a hard life. Her father was an alcoholic, her mother was an exiled debutante. Her family was dirt poor and she had many siblings. She was far from being the favorite child. She did not have a happy childhood and fought through cruelty at school. Her last name was Durbin and other kids picked on her entire family. I'm not sure where the name originated, but the family was known as the "dirty Durbin's." She still takes offense when she hears that moniker.

Her Dad would come home drunk at night and get all the kids up and make them sit and listen to his drunken blabbering. I've never heard much about her mother except that she would threaten to make her kids sleep on the floor "with the rats" if they didn't behave. Mom is still deathly afraid of mice or rats.

I'm not as close with my mother as I was with Dad. I don't know her entire story because she doesn't sit and talk about it with me. Often we argue and clash but my personality is much more like hers than Dad's.  We're very much alike and I'm happy to share some of her traits as well. Strong willed, fierce fighting, straight talking and sometimes downright mean...the similarities are uncanny. Obviously, she's been a huge influence in my life, even though I don't always understand her. She'll always have my respect and admiration.

Dawg...

Back in 1997, I was stationed in Virginia Beach, attending school for F-14 avionics. We shared the base and barracks with Marines. The Marines called each other "devil dogs" and one guy in particular, named Scranton, used the phrase constantly. "Dawg, I'm a marine..you know what I'm saying...dawg?" He was young and about 6 feet tall and dumb as a box of rocks.

Between the barracks, we had a raised concrete walkway that had metal handrails that were about 5 feet off the ground below. This was known as "the smoke pit." During evenings, we gathered out there and hung out together. It was usually a bunch of kids drinking and talking about how their day had gone.

One night I was outside smoking and three Marines stepped out onto the grass, drunk as a skunk, arguing about the Jon Benet fiasco and hyping the new show they had been watching...South Park. "Dawg, that show's great, dawg." "I know dawg!"

I was about to go back inside and Scranton bellied up to the rail and asked me, "Where do you think you're going Dawg?" "I'm going to bed, school starts EARLY in the morning." I replied.  "DAWG! We're having a discussion, you can't just leave dawg!" "Scranton...I don't have time for this, I'm going to bed."

About that time, 4 Navy friends stepped out to smoke..Kevin "big guy" Ferrero, Chris "Zippy" Zimmerman, Ed "psycho" Brenzo and Eric Harrison said, "Leave Tinner alone, he's old." Scranton replied with "Yeah, that dawg's too old to be in the military."  So I snapped him up by his blouse and dragged him over the rail and onto the concrete floor. He scrambled, but I had him pinned down immediately. "Dawg...let me up!" "If you call me a dog just one more time, I'm going to beat your ass until your parents wouldn't recognize you! I ain't too old to kick your ass."

I was there for 2 more months and I never had a problem with anyone. Most of the Marines there called me Mr. Tinner, but they never called me dawg again. I heard that Scranton was KIA in Afghanistan...He was a good guy and I am glad I served with him. As annoying as he was....we're still brothers too.

Life Changer

Last year, August 10th, I found out that I sleep walk. I drank alcohol all day and had a great time with friends. In the middle of the night, I walked off a 2nd story loft and fell about 14 feet without bracing myself for impact at all. I got busted up pretty bad. I was in a coma for five days.

I still have hardly any recollection of my hospital stay. I was there for nearly two weeks. I had high school friends and others who came to visit and I don't remember much at all. After I was released and came home, I was weakened and very meek. Suddenly I was a changed person and spoke only of love and caring for others. It was how I felt in my heart.

Over the months that have passed, I've attempted to stay off the pain medicine and gradually gotten more like my old self. The stronger I've gotten, the more I realize that I'm the same aggressive personality that I was before my accident. Pain has made me bitter again. That isn't the person I want to be.

I plan to make an effort to be "that guy" that loves and cares for others. That's actually me! That's the way my father was, and I need to be more like him. Even if I get back to full strength, I've got to stop my aggressive behavior and be a more caring and understanding person. Time for change of my personality...I'm better than before!

Improve Television

Cable and Satellite companies need to adopt a new way for their consumers. They could eliminate bandwidth problems in the process. Here's an example of how they could do that using technology that is already in their boxes.

Keep the same model currently in use and offer to charge consumers by the minute of watching. Before you groan, read the entire idea and think about it. Right now, I have 80 channels available to me and I NEVER watch shopping or foreign language channels. It's wasted bandwidth offering those to me.

Here's my idea: Offer all available channels and let consumers decide what they want. Charge them by the minute watched, with premium channels costing more. The networks are being paid by advertisers and consumers who want to skip those ads could also pay a little more. Channels that nobody seems to watch could be discounted and possibly more people would watch them at a reduced rate. Being charged by the minute would also improve parental supervision. Parents could program their TV to not broadcast shows they didn't want their children to have access to while they aren't around. Each person in a household could have their own pin number and you could have an itemized bill that shows how much time was spent watching channels and individual shows.

Consumers should have choices, they could continue the way things are set up right now, or take a chance on reducing their bill or maybe multiplying it by paying by the minute. It should be up to consumers, not what is dictated to them by their provider.

Oh? You're Offended??

Political Correctness is a bunch of horseshit. There are things seen everyday that offend me too. I'm a straight, white male American. You don't hear me bitching about gay pride, Mexican mafia, girl scouts or anything else that doesn't pander to my demographic.

Yep, I'm white. That doesn't mean that I fly Nazi. Isreali or Confederate flags. It doesn't mean that I'm intolerant of others, nor does it mean that I wear a white sheet. Hatred of others is a waste of time and effort that could be spent improving lives around us.

The American flag represents us all. Skin color doesn't matter, religious beliefs don't matter or even sexual preferences don't matter. We are a nation of diverse people who mostly originated somewhere else. Our flag stands for all of us banding together to be brothers and sisters with freedoms to disagree with one another.

If you are offended by my American flag, I suggest that you either grow a pair of balls or go back to wherever you originated. You're free to whine about it if you want but you cannot dictate whether I can be free to have an opinion. Too many people died to give me that right. If you don't like it...Fuck you, get over it!

That's Just Me

I think everyone should know their strengths and faults.

My faults are too numerous to mention but I'll try. I'm arrogant, sarcastic, judgmental, gripey, grouchy, biased and worst of all, I think I'm smarter than most folks. I can be mean, unapologetic, unforgiving and intolerable. I won't go into details but I've been a jackass, sometimes purposely.

As far as strengths go, I can only name a few. I'm genuine, caring and steadfast. I've been full of shit but now I won't tolerate it around me. I want to make other lives better around me, sometimes sacrificing my own comfort for someone else to gain. Learned that from my Dad...I try to be more like him everyday. I'm opinionated but they are not set in stone. I listen well because I know that I don't know it all. I learn from others all the time because my opinion derives only from what I've experienced.

Am I a good guy? I hope so. Am I fair? I try to be. Am I a jerk? Most definitely. Do I make you smile? Maybe. Am I a good friend? Definitely. Do I have all the answers? Not at all!

I sincerely hope that even casual friends know how much they mean to me. Framily?? Let's just understand right now that I won't tolerate being around anyone that is running you down. Yes, I'm an angry little SOB but you couldn't ask for anyone to defend you more fervently. Even in disagreement, I think friends and family matter more than any quarrel.

Overall, I hope that I'm a person that you enjoy being around, if not, I'm not changing anyway. So deal with it or go away!

Framily

My father has been passed away for more than a year. He was a generous guy who felt the need to take care of family. He made me feel the same way by example. I looked up to him and thought he was always right. If I knew anyone that deserved to be a saint, he was that guy.

He shared his disability check with my mother even though they had been divorced. Basically, he shared it with anyone that he loved. When I couldn't find work, his disabled veteran benefits kept him afloat. Near the end of his life, when I cared for him, it was our major source of income.

While I was in the military, I sent most of my money to him and his mother so they could live comfortably. When I joined the Navy, I gave him everything I owned, knowing that he would keep looking out for all of us. He bought this house and the land and even purchased a couple of boats. Together over the years we bought lots of tools also. We had been partners in business and shared responsibilities. We trusted each other and knew that neither one would take advantage of the other.

Before he passed away, he asked me to take care of Mom and my sister. I agreed and fully intend to stick to my word. He left us with some assets, the house and land, boats, guns, and tools that I helped buy. Since his death, I fell and broke a bunch of bones which hinders my ability to work. That hasn't changed my obligation to care for Mom and Becky.

I think it's time to liquidate some of these assets. I've held on to them for too long for sentimental reasons. We've got to have income. We each deserve to move on with our lives.

Worm Ranching 101

Why would anyone want to raise worms? They're just creepy crawlers right? Anyone who's been fishing has handled worms. They aren't as gross as they sound. They are amazing little critters in fact. Worms can turn scraps into fertile, rich garden soil. Raising worms is not difficult. Keep them happy and they will continue to reproduce more worms. Feed them and keep their bedding moist, protect them from freezing and you will have happy worms. Happy worms work all the time. They eat, poop and reproduce. I know what you're thinking, "Ewwwww, Poo!" Well they're poop is what you're plants need, it's natural organic fertilizer.

Getting started only requires a few stackable plastic bins. Leave one bin intact to catch excess moisture. Drill lots of holes bid enough for the worms to go through in the other bins for air circulation and migration. Start with the bin with no holes and stack another bin on top. Prepare the bedding, place dirt, shredded paper, grass clippings, weeds, small pieces of cardboard, tea bags torn open, coffee grounds and filters, crushed egg shells, avoid plastic except tape....they love the adhesive on tape. Moisten it all until you cannot squeeze water from a handful. Then put your worms inside and put the lid on the top bin. That's it! Just keep the bedding moist as described for a few weeks. Repeat the process by adding another bin (with holes in the bottom) with new bedding on top when they have turned the previous bedding into rich soil. They will migrate into the new bedding above looking for more food. After they are in the upper bin, remove the one with rich soil and use it in your garden. Repeat the process again and again.

In your kitchen, keep a container with a lid for scraps to feed your worms. Meat or fat is NOT suitable for your worms...they will only make your bin smell and draw fly's. Discard them or feed them to a dog. Scraps for the worm bin include trimmings from veggies like onion skins, potato peels, carrot and celery tops...mostly things that would go into a garbage disposal. Worms don't have teeth so they can't quickly break down big pieces or chunks. They use crushed eggshells to help break down some bigger things but your aim should be to make everything small so they can do their work faster. Chop everything as fine as you can, they love it and you get results much faster.

They compost almost everything except plastic, meat and fat. One lb. of worms composts 5 gallons of stuff into great soil in a few weeks. They turn garbage into the best fertilizer you can get. In another post, I'll tell you how you can profit from them and make a bigger setup.