This kid is pretty good!

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UFC 121 Picks

Sam Stout vs. Paul Taylor
Both these guys are tough and it will probably be the fight of the night. I'm going with Stout.
√ WINNER Stout by decision again.

Tom Lawlor vs. Patrick Cote
Cote has been nursing a bad knee for a couple years now. Lawlor doesn't bring much to the table for Cote...Cote by TKO.
√ LOSER Lawlor dominated Cote like a little bitch!

Brendan Schaub vs. Gabriel Gonzaga
Schaub seems to be getting stronger and better each time out. Gonzaga on the other hand is unpredictable. He looks awesome then he puts in a minimum effort. I'll take Schaub.
√ WINNER total domination by Schaub

Tito Ortiz vs. Matt Hamill
Tito is aging quickly. Hamill gets better on his feet every time he fights. Tito is in for another epic loss, hopefully good. He talks a lot of smack and can't back it up anymore.
√ WINNER Hamill won convincingly!

Paulo Thiago vs. Diego Sanchez
Thiago is tough as nails but Diego is a better fighter. If Diego stops trying to be Manny Paquiao, he wins easily with ground and pound. I think this will be a slow technical fight with Diego winning by decision.
√ WINNER Diego completely kicked his ass! That was one dirty Sanchez tonight!

Jake Shields vs. Martin Kampmann
Shields recently beat Dan Henderson at 185. He's lost 15 lbs to start fighting at welterweight and I think it's going to have a big effect on him. Kampmann has range, solid ground skills and he's a grinder. I'll take Shields but Kampmann can definitely be a spoiler in this one.
√ WINNER Shields just squeaked out the win because Kampmann tried to beat him on the ground..dumb mistake because Shield's was exhausted at the end of round 2. 

Brock Lesnar vs. Cain Velasquez
Brock is a big boy! He keeps winning because he's tough too. Velasquez is crafty on his feet and stays busy. I haven't seen Cain on his back but I think he can keep it standing. He'll definitely last longer than Carwin. Again, I'm going against Lesnar because his skill set is so limited. If it goes to the ground immediately with Lesnar on top..I'll be eating crow again. Velasquez is my pick!
√ WINNER...TOTAL domination by Velasquez! Just a good first round beatdown!!

Turned out to be an awesome night of fights! Diego probably should get fight of the night.  Roberts will most likely get submission of the night. Fun fights tonight!

Remote Cuntrol

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• enhanced mood level (for those times you feel frisky but she doesn't)
• STFU
• clean the kitchen
• sleep function
• no flirt feature (can be used in conjunction with timer)
• beer run
• Go make me a sandwich

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New philosophy

I decided tonight that the next time my neighbors get out of hand I'm going to go out in the front yard and crank up the chain saw...in any Halloween mask that I can find! I'm betting that I can put a stop to stupid shit going on around my house!

Wrong number...

I keep getting phone calls from bill collectors asking for a "Mike Rogers"...I keep explaining that he doesn't have this number anymore and please take my number off their calling list. Regardless, the same companies keep calling back day after day burning up my minutes, almost always with "unidentified number" in Caller ID. Simple fix..I stopped answering my phone if I didn't recognize the number calling me. So even with my voice mail announcing my name..they started filling my inbox with messages for Mike! So I decided to have a little fun with them. Here's how one conversation went:

• "Hello, TJ speaking." (long pause) 
• "Good morning sir, is this Michael Rogers" 
• "No..are you deaf? my name is TJ!"
• "Could I speak to Michael Rogers?" 
• "I'm sure you can if you call him instead of me!" 
• "This is an urgent matter for Mr. Rogers..." 
• "So what's this have to do with me?" 
• "Well Mr. Rogers, you are more than 90 days late on your payment schedule" 
• "Ok..what was your name again?"
• "My name is unimportant...I need a promise from you that you will get back on schedule"
• "I can't believe this"
• "Pretending to be someone else will not work with me Mr. Rogers"
• "What number are you calling?"
• "Our computer only dials the numbers on your account information"
• "I guess you got me there!"
• "You obviously don't pay your bills, I can see it here on your credit report!"
• "So how can I help?"
• "You could make a payment in good faith"
• "I don't have my wallet handy, can you just charge my credit card?"
• "Which card would you like us to charge the payment?"
• "Oh..how about Visa..what's the amount to get my account current?"
• "Fine Mike, I'll be deducting $42.13 from your Visa card upon your approval"
• "I approve!....but I'm still not Mike"
• "I'll need your social security number for verification"
• "It should be on my credit report and also on my credit application...I don't say it over the phone"
• "I only need the last four digits"
• "I don't have my wallet but I may remember it..read it back to me"
• "4639??"
• "yep that's it!"
• "Thank you for your payment..is there anything else I can do for you today?"
• "Yes, what's my balance?"
• "the payment has reinstated your account...your balance is zero"
• "What is my credit limit on this card?"
• "Your limit was reduced from $600 down to $400 because of the delinquent status"
• "I need your name and a confirmation number"
• (reads a long number back to me but still gives no name) 
• "I've had bad experiences with Kohl's before, can I get your name so I can always deal with you personally since you were so helpful?"
• "Thank you sir...my name is LeWanda."
• "By the way LeWanda...I'm STILL not Mike!"

I was overjoyed to know that I wouldn't be getting anymore threatening calls from LeWanda to collect less than $50. I'll never shop at Kohl's...and you shouldn't either!

Mean old lady

A couple days ago I was waiting in line to check out at the grocery store. There was an old white haired lady with two shopping carts full of groceries behind me with a big scowl on her face because they only had one cashier working. The cashier was actually going very fast and the line was moving pretty quickly. Another woman got into line with a gallon of milk holding a five dollar bill. I asked her if she wanted to go ahead of me since she only had one item, she smiled and said "Thank you!" The old lady behind me started ranting about how if she were still young and pretty, I would have let her go in front of me too....bitching on and on about it. I never said a word and continued checking out. Then the old lady decided that she would keep inching forward and bumping my cart into me. At this point I was getting perturbed and wanted to stick her cart up her ass, but I kept smiling and checking out. I paid out and as the cashier handed me my receipt she rolled her eyes as if to tell me she understood and could sympathize. I just smiled even bigger and cut a nasty fart just before I walked away. The old lady pushed forward and said, "It's about time!" I was making my way out the door and I was smiling even bigger as I heard her start to cough and choke on the noxious gas. I don't always drink beer..but when I do, don't follow me in line at the grocery store!

Houston, we have a problem...

I was pretty excited about a new social networking project promising security and privacy called Diaspore. Four NYU students decided to try their hand at coding a new and better facebook..but their code is flawed from the start. Now it seems that someone is going to have to get talented coders and security professionals together to make such a project actually work. (not just a bunch of ambitious students) It's actually a huge opportunity and somebody with some financial backing is going to have to make it happen.
Facebook will die just like MySpace because they have their own interests at heart. It's all about the money...and privacy is a very real issue. I think I have a better idea and I'm trying to get help coding it. We'll see in the near future.

While you're not doing anything...

I hear this phrase a lot. Sometimes, it's a true statement...but sometimes it's a matter of someone not realizing my priorities. It's generally followed up with, "Would you mind.."

• paying the bills?
• take out the trash?
• rearranging the furniture?
• cooking another fantastic meal?
• driving across Houston for something stupid?
• mowing the yard, trimming the bushes...in our yard AND the neighbors?
• tearing out the floors and replacing them?
• fixing the heater?
• taking all the fans apart and cleaning them?
• working on my computer?
• helping me get through another college course?
• getting some cash from the ATM so someone else can go out of town?
• bailing me out?
• giving the dogs a bath?
• building another barn?
• fixing my car/van/truck?
• teaching me how to......on a computer?
• print a map, record a recipe, email a "website", copy all your photos to my computer, I want a song..get it for me, fix the internet, rewire all the phones, maintain the oxygen maker, change oxygen bottles, put another O2 bottle in the car/van/truck, load everything, repair  broken furniture, level the house, build a bigger porch, fix the boat, buy a new battery and install it in...WHATEVER!!!!

Anybody who thinks I'm just a lazy ass who doesn't want a job should come and try to do everything I do. This may sound like a bitching rant...but it's not. I wish everybody had a f-ing clue about what's required of me. Yes, sometimes I gripe about it...but I do it..day in and day out. I'm claustrophobic and I'm asked constantly to crawl under the house and move cable wires to suit someone elses whim. I don't like it but I usually do it once I gather the strength to fight through the claustrophobia. I love my family and I do it all for their betterment. If you have an outstanding job and get paid well for it..congratulations! Everything I do helps the people around me, knowing that I helped improve their lives is what drives me everyday. It's possible that I need a hug every now and then...but thanks isn't required.

Walk a mile in my shoes before you get lippy with me!